I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
