I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need to calm my uterus...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
