some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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