U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
