Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
