Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
