And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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