I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
