Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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