The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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