dude i'm inner monologue high
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
