Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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