Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
