the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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