I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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