it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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