I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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