I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
