i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
