Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
