i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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