I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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