i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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