My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
