please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
