I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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