Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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