He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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