I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
