i think i have two assholes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize