If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
