At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
