On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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