Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize