i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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