Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
