you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
