Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
