how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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