whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
