so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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