We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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