Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
