Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
