dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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