gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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