Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
