I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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