why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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