i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
