my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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