We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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