I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am midnight drunk by noon
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
