I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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