I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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