I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
