We named our party play list daddy issues
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
