and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
