Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
