My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
