I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize