Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
