remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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