Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
