your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize