garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
