It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize