Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He did a backflip because drugs
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