Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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