2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
