i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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