living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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