she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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